Night time feedings were something I never thought about as I fantasized about having children. What I did fantasize about was the perfect breastfeeding experience. I thought that I would wake up when my baby did, pull her into bed with me, roll onto my side and stick my boob in her mouth...silly me. I thought that I would breastfeed my child the way women do in the movies. It would be perfect and my child and I would bond with each other as I fed her...again silly me.
In my nine weeks as a parent I have learned one major lesson. All of the fantasies of parenthood that I had are just that fantasies. That is not to say that I don't love being a parent, I do. However, I already know what I would do differently next time. That used to annoy the hell out of me about my parents. As the oldest I would get so mad when they would say..."Well, by the time Jane got here we knew that _______ wouldn't hurt her so we let her do/have/use it." I have to say, now I get it...poor Edie!
Overall parenting Edie is amazing. She is amazing. I love her giant head, and her long fingers. I love her smiles, and I love her coos! I hate breastfeeding her. I have worked so hard to make this work and while working so hard to create the perfect breastfeeding experience, a plentiful supply (mine is low), a lack of pain (bad latch), and a wonderful bond...I have stressed to the point that there is no way I could possibly enjoy the experience let alone bond with my child. And now in the midst of the final straw...having a nine week old who is back on every three hour feeding 24-7 I had one of the best breastfeeding experiences to date, WTF?!?!?!
So again, I have learned that all of my parenting fantasies are just that, and I, the control freak teacher, better learn to expect the unexpected, and stop planning!!!
Amen love, I know of which you speak! I was just thinking that about being a grandparent ( ie fantasy vs. reality). I will still try not to imagine, but for us Pither-Stockdale women, that is not always possible. It will always be a blessing to us though! I love you, Edie and Brett tons! Kisses, kisses, Mom, Granny!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I certainly would have preferred for Sophia's birth to have looked even a teensy bit like the one I imagined.... I have to say it was sort of nice to have her teach me (another control freak), before she was even born, that my plans no longer run the show. Amazing how well these tiny people can teach us that....
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding at the beginning is often a LOT harder than people think it will be. I know I was in tears a lot in the early weeks of my son's life, too. (See this post on my blog, for proof: http://three-peas-in-a-pod.blogspot.com/2006/06/scary-evening-that-i-do-not-wish-to.html ) I remember thinking, "Why did no one tell me it was like this?" But I will reassure you with this: it got easier for me, to the point, where I didn't think about it or agonize about it all. And before I knew it, my son was ready to wean and eat Big People Food all the time! But regardless of whatever you choose to do, know that it is YOUR decision, and the people who genuinely care about you will back you up.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you recognize that you're struggling with this and not just smiling and saying that everything is peachy keen. Hang in there. Let me know if you ever need to vent!
Yeah a blog!! Add pics of the subject matter please (aka one miss edith jane). You will find it helps to vent this matters via a blog. Welcome to the club and keep 'em coming!!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the bloggin' world! :)
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